Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
