It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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