This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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