He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize