sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
