I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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