I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
