So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
