and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
