Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
