he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
