I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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