Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
