I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
