I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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