Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
