Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
