cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
