What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
