some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize