I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Let's paint friendship bongs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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