so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
