Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
