shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my being single is dangerous.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
