he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
