i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
