but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
