I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
