can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
