I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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