Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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