Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the day after is always just damage control
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
