He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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