I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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