i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
