i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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