OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
