That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
