I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
