I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
