theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
