mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
