Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
