i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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