Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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