the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
