this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
