Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
