i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
