I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
