So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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