the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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