I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
