Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
