Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
