Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
