no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
