I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
