one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
