Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize