I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize