there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
