I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
