bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
