You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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