I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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