no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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