i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
