we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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