So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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