i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
