I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You are a genius and a whore.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
