Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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