I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize