it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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