Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
