so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
