also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
