I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
