My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
