Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
