No stitches, just platelets and will power
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
