U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
