When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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