Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
