Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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