I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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