Fuck appropriateness.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
