youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize