Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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