i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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