If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize