dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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