Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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