Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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