Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
