About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
