Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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