I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
