Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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