I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
